Madi's Burial Service

June 17^th, 2012

When Madi passed away, Jay and I struggled with what to do with her body. Before Madi ever got sick, Jay had made his wishes known to me that he wanted to be cremated. He had read how our bodies are hermetically sealed in coffins and placed in the ground where our bodies are unable to decompose into the dirt. Our bodies then decay into a gelatinous mush. He does not want to be “a primordial mush,” which sounds reasonable. I have no strong feelings either way. Doctrinally, I know that all bodies will be resurrected regardless of burial procedure. It is very expensive to keep a body, transport a body, buy a plot, dig a hole, and bury a body. If we bought a plot where would it be? As much as we love living here, Columbus doesn’t feel like home quite as much as Atlanta does, so we thought we might lay her to rest next to Amber, Jay’s sister who passed away some years before. With all these uncertainties hanging over us, we decided it would just be so much easier to have her cremated.

After she was cremated, we were not sure what to do with her cremanes. I looked at several urns, but I never felt comfortable with displaying her in my house. We mulled over it for weeks. I was really embarrassed one day when Tori’s mom, Penny, called me to ask where Madi was because Tori wanted to go visit her. “In my closet,” I sheepishly responded. I knew I needed to figure something out.

We thought of scattering her ashes in a place she really loved. Jay suggested we go to Disney World and throw the ashes on Cinderella…”she is ‘Cinder’ella after all.”  I am so thankful for all of Jay’s brilliant ideas. (Can you feel the sarcasm?) Honestly, I laughed really hard at this suggestion, and it’s a relief to find a place to laugh here and there. After some thought, we found the perfect place: the Secret Garden. As a bit of background, Jay’s parents have transformed their backyard into a beautiful garden with waterfalls flowing into koi-filled (sometimes) ponds, countless varieties of flowers, bushes and trees, garden gnomes, and precious statues. We have dubbed it the Secret Garden. When each of my babies was crying, Becky, Jay’s mom, would take them for a walk in the Secret Garden to sooth them. As they got older, they loved to explore back there. Madi, in particular, loved the Secret Garden. When we would get to grandma’s house she would go straight to the backyard and ask to feed the fish. She would also spend time searching for newly added gnomes and statues. There have been two wedding receptions in the Secret Garden where Madi was the flower girl. She was in her element as she pranced around the garden in her fabulous dresses. We knew it would be the perfect resting place for her.

 

  

The one problem with having Madi in the garden was that she would not be close to us. We have some friends who lost their nine-month-old baby to cancer two months before Madi died. They, too, had their son cremated but chose to keep him in a decorative urn in their bedroom to have him closer to them than at a grave site. I understand this sentiment, and I was torn. Jay and I decided to get special pieces of jewelry that hold a small portion of her ashes that we could wear on our person to keep her close to us. Once we found the jewelry, we were ready to lay her ashes to rest.

The perfect time presented itself. Jay’s parents have been asked to serve as Mission President to run the missionary program in the Dominican Republic for the next three years. Since they will not be able to come home during that time, we decided to get together for a family reunion/farewell. Our families are spread out throughout the United States so this seemed the best chance to have some family there. I regret that my family was unable to attend but know that each of them had a made a sizeable sacrifice to attend Madi’s memorial in November.

So June 17^th, 2012 turned out to be a celebration of the circle of life for the Douglas family. We started off the day with a church service that began with the baby blessing of my nephew, Grant. Next, Jolanta gave her homecoming speech as she had just arrived home from her mission of 18 months in Salt Lake City and John and Becky gave farewell speeches as they were about to leave on theirs. After church we held a burial service for Madi.

The service itself was very sweet. As we all stood in the garden together, I began by saying how thankful we are for the support of family and friends. I spoke of how we loved to hear Madi’s name and would always welcome stories of her. Trey spoke next about what our family does to help us remember Madi. He showed a scrapbook he had made and a running list of memories we keep. He told a few of his favorite stories from the list. He was darling. Next we invited people to come to the grave site, say their last goodbye to Madi, and place a purple flower on top. Jay, Trey, and I started, followed by the rest of those in attendance. When everyone had said their goodbyes, I asked them to join me in singing “I Know that My Redeemer Lives.” I chose this song because it testifies over and over that the Savior lives, and if He lives, she lives. Also, in the third verse when it says, “He lives, my mansions to prepare,” I like to think He is building my mansion in heaven and Madi is decorating it. As we sang, Becky accompanied us on her violin. It sounded heavenly. After the song, Jay dedicated the grave with a very beautiful prayer.

It was a very emotional time for our family, but we feel so much peace after completing her burial. I know many of you would like to have been there to share this with us, so we took video of the service. (Thank you, Celeste.) Dave Winters also took some beautiful pictures during the service. I had lots of technical difficulties bringing this video to you (hence the three month delay), but I have managed to split it up into 4 parts to make it work. The total video is just under 30 minutes. Thank you to all those that were there and to those that were there in spirit. Your love has been felt throughout this process.

Madi’s Burial Part 1

Madi’s Burial Part 2

Madi’s Burial Part 3

Madi’s Burial Part 4