Madi's story up to this point can be found at www.caringbridge.org/visit/miraclemadidouglas.

Now that I am a month removed from the event, I can go back and give you some interesting details about my life since Madi’s passing. Week one was hectic chaos filled nausea and stress. Week two brought with it a strange silence. Week three was a relaxing retreat allowing for reflecting, reconnecting, and recharging. Week four was figuring out a new way of life.

Week one started with a bomb when the doctor put Madi on hospice and we spent the day trying to figure out what to do about her new condition. Her condition worsened through the day and her breathing became labored, so Jay and I contemplated taking Madi to the ER. However, she was sleeping so well and moving her caused so much pain. Her next doctor appointment was first thing in the morning anyways. At 12:30 AM, I tried to text Christie, the nurse who I had become close with, to get her opinion. I simply texted, “Are you awake?” When she did not answer, we decided to let Madi sleep. Then we all fell asleep together at 1:30. At just after 3:00 AM, I woke up. I’m not sure what woke me. My logical mind assumes it was because she was breathing so loudly and then when she stopped, the new silence woke me. But oddly, it felt the way you would wake up if someone tapped you on the shoulder.

When we realized Madi had passed away, we were really confused about what to do. Should we call 911? It’s not an emergency. What other options were there? So I told Jay to google it. As Jay headed to the computer, I got a text from Christie at 3:30 saying, “I am now. Y’all OK?” I called her and told her what happened and asked if she knew what we were supposed to do. She didn’t, but she said she would find out and take care of the whole thing for me. I told her to tell me what would happen as soon as she figured it out.

I was really nervous about what would happen. Would they whisk her body away, and would they let me say goodbye? Where would they take her? I wanted to be prepared so I could handle it. (I’m a little bit of a control freak.) A few weeks before, I had attended a conference for moms. One of the classes I attended was a class on loss. One of the women there shared her story of losing one of her twins. She had died suddenly in the night and was found the next morning. The mom called 911, and a crime scene was immediately set up in her house, tape and all. She was not allowed to touch her child, and they took her away without telling the mom anything. The child’s autopsy revealed she had meningitis, and there was nothing the mom could have done. Her story scared me and infuriated me. (I’m not really mad at the police so much as I am mad at the crazy people who kill their kids so that police have to act this way.)

Needless to say, I was a little nervous as to how the morning would play out. Meanwhile, Christie called the doctor, who also had no idea what to do. Procedurally, it is well known how to deal with death in a hospital, and well known what to do when on hospice, but since Madi didn't start hospice until the next day, she was in a bit of a "no-man's land". At this point, I am not feeling so bad for not knowing what to do. So she threw up her arms and called 911. Jay read online that an ambulance comes to confirm the person has died and then takes the body to the morgue at the hospital. The funeral home you choose then comes to retrieve the body from the morgue to prepare the body for burial. So when Christie told me the ambulance was on the way, I took a deep breath and got ready.

I put Madi’s favorite jammies in the wash (a nightgown, with taffeta on the skirt and a glittery picture of a castle on the front). Jay and I woke Trey to tell him Madi had died and asked him if he wanted to say goodbye. He aptly said, “How can I say goodbye if she’s already gone?” We talked about her body being here, but even though her spirit was separated from her body, she was still near. We assured him that she could still hear him. At first he asked if I would tell her for him, but I said he should do it himself (he was sort of out of it, as it was 4 o’clock in the morning). He went downstairs to where she was laying peacefully and said goodbye to his sister. Jay laid back down with him until he fell asleep.

Sometime before 5:00 am, Christie showed up right when the ambulance did. The EMTs asked me what had happened. I said, “I woke up a little after 3:00 am to find her not breathing so I assume she passed away just before that. We went to bed around 1:30 so it was sometime in there.” He turned to me and said, “I thought you said she passed away at 12:00.” I rolled my eyes, where he couldn’t see me, thought, this is the first time I’ve talked to anyone, but simply answered, “No.” They checked her vitals, confirmed her death and left the room. Madi’s jammies were dry, so I asked Christie to help me change her clothes.

At 5:00 am, I got a call from Janna, my neighbor down the street. I assumed she’d seen the ambulance. When I answered the phone there was no one there. It seemed too coincidental to be a pocket-dial, but after saying hello several times, I hung up. She called me back. I waited and after a huge inhale, she revealed she was outside my front door. She was on her way to exercise at 5:00 am (crazy) and saw the ambulance in my driveway. Her mom passed away from cancer three years earlier, so she knew what it meant to have an ambulance without its lights on park on the street.



Derek and breakfast completely taken care of that morning!



Janna woke up the neighborhood, so I had friends by my side immediately. When Lindsey came over, I asked her if she wanted to see Madi (she looked so peaceful, she even had a smile on her face). Suddenly a man stopped us and said, “Ma’am, that’s enough. No one else is allowed in that room.” That’s when I knew the chaos had started. Another man asked Christie to step outside to answer some questions. I will say that as they turned my house into CSI, they did try to keep the chaos away from me and the drama was over pretty quickly. They asked Christie why I called her at 12:30 instead of taking her to the hospital. They asked if she was the nurse or a family friend (although Christie and I were close, we had not had the “define the relationship” talk). She awkwardly said, “Both?” They asked why she called 911 instead of me. They asked why we changed her clothes and where were the clothes she was in. They asked why she was not on hospice. They tried to keep this conversation away from me but at one point someone opened the door and I heard Christie say in a panicked voice, “I was just trying to help.” Since I was somewhat prepared for something like this, I didn’t let it bother me. The whole thing was just ridiculous. Someone came and took pictures. The coroner came and asked me some questions. One man, who was not as nice as the rest, let me know that Madi’s body might need to be taken to Atlanta. Confused, I asked, “Because that is where her primary doctor is?” He said, “No. Because that is the closest place to get an autopsy.” I bit my tongue, but what I wanted to say was, I’m no genius, but I’d say she died of a brain tumor. The coroner finished his report and CSI closed the case – no foul play.

Each person working on some aspect of the funeral.

After the CSI drama ended, the chaotic feeling did not. I spent the week going from one thing to the next in an adrenaline fog. I could not eat. I could not sleep. And I had a million things that had to be done. The funeral home showed up next. They asked me a few questions and asked me to come to their office later that day to discuss details. They took her body around 8:00. Trey, Jay, and I went into the room and said our last goodbyes to her. We told her how much we loved her and how much we would miss her. After that I sent Trey to school, hoping that some normalcy away from our chaos would be more healing for him. I had to notify family and friends and make a caring bridge post. I had to figure out if Madi was eligible to donate her organs and figure out how to get her brain tumor to the doctor for his study. I had to figure out lodging and flights for family and friends that were coming in town. I had to clean my house because I was about to have a million guests. I had to plan a memorial service, prepare a video montage, gather photos to display, write a talk, write an obituary, decide what to dress Madi in, pick a casket, get the boys something purple to wear, create a program for the service, the list never ended. It felt like I was planning a wedding in three days. All I can say is thank goodness for friends and family.



There were many things that my friends and family could help me with, but there were things that only Jay or I could do. One timely thing we had to figure out was the donating of Madi’s organs and brain tumor. We really hoped that we could donate her organs to help other people, and people who are looking for a cure for this particular brain tumor need tissue to study (it is understandably difficult to get that tissue while a child is still alive). Jay spoke with Lifelink about her organs, and I talked with Madi’s doctor about the brain tumor. It turns out there is no set process, you just have to get people to do favors for you to get the tumor. The doctor said we had about two days for it to be something he could use. Unfortunately, Jay found out that Madi’s organs were not viable because of all the drugs she had to put in her body, so we let the funeral home know. Then we found out how to get the brain tumor to Atlanta, and we called the funeral home to discuss it. We were very disappointed to find out that the funeral home had begun the embalming process when they found out the organs were useless. The embalming rendered her brain tumor tissue useless as well. We were extremely frustrated that we could not donate her tissue because it could be one step towards ridding the world of this terrible disease.

After the funeral home started to prepare Madi’s body, there was so much to do. So many friends and family came to my rescue. Jay wrote a great obituary, my friends offered their guest rooms to out of town guests, Lindsey helped properly accessorize Madi’s outfit, Meghan spent hours helping me gather all the photos and videos while her husband Jeremy spent countless hours making the video montage. Jennifer designed the beautiful program. Lindsey, Brandi, and Janna created the displays and angel tree. There was a team from church and a team of friends from Columbus and Atlanta that helped with all the food, decorating and logistics of the memorial service. Mary Maurice found the boys something purple to wear. Tons of people fed my army of a family that came to town.  My family raved about how delicious this and that was. And while I was happy my guests were taken care of, it made me all the more nauseous. Cassie was constantly making me plates of food and saying things I say to my kids like, “Just take three more bites.” It was amazing how fast the memorial service came together. Everyone worked so hard and it showed. While I walked around in that fog, trying to figure out what needed to happen, everyone else made it happen. The memorial service was perfect. I could not have been more pleased with it, and it gave us a wonderful and perfect memory to close that chapter.

I was so grateful to have so many people attend the memorial service. Good friends came from so far to support us in such a difficult time. After the service was over, we had so many people at the house to keep us company. We spent the evening remembering Madi and enjoying the company of loved ones that we don’t see often enough. The girls in my family, sister, sisters-in-law, and nieces, spent the evening giggling and taking photos in our coordinating purple outfits. Madi would have loved it.

Saturday night I finally felt the burden start to lift. Having the service over was a huge relief. I was able to sleep well, and the next morning, I was finally hungry. My dad made my favorite breakfast, hashbrowns-eggs-bacon-n-toast. It is one word in our family, like waffles. I scarfed it down.

Week two, three, and four are coming….