At Madi’s burial, a woman came up to me, hugged me, and told
me what an inspiration I had been to her. Throughout this trial, people have
often said things to me like, “I don’t know how you are doing this,” or “I
would never be handle such a tragedy.” I smile, say thank you, and feel proud
for a second, but inside I know the truth: we are all stronger than we think we
are. I know it when I talk to friends who have also lost children. They, too,
have continued on, living life, taking care of other children, and staying strong
in their faith. I have watched so many friends handle difficult challenges with
such grace. I know that the woman who hugged me is also the kind of person that
can handle hard things, and she would soon know it as well. The next day, two
of her grandsons were killed in a boating accident on Lake Lanier. In the face
of this horrible tragedy, I had no doubt that she and her entire family would
be an inspiration to many.
Our families have been friends since I was little, and I
grew up with her daughters, one of whom is the mother of the children who died.
I got a call from a mutual friend informing me of the accident and asking if I
would be willing to talk to Tara, the boys’ mom. Tara has three boys; her two
youngest died, and the oldest was unharmed. I was in the car about 10 minutes
from home and said I would be happy to call her. For those 10 minutes I thought
about what I could say to her. How had I become the expert? Madi had passed
away 8 months before. It felt like yesterday, but sometimes it felt like years.
What had I learned? What had people said to me that helped the most? What
brings me the most peace? When I got her on the phone, the first thing she said
to me was, “Tell me what to do.” I had so many questions while Madi was sick
and after she passed, and the answer that kept coming to my mind during that
time was, “You already know the answer.” It was true. I had already been taught
the things I needed to know to deal with what was happening to me. So to Tara I
responded, “You already know what to do.”
When you learn things you become smart, when you apply them
to your life and use them for the basis of your actions, you become wise. Tara
and I had gone to church together enough times for me to know what she
believes. I reminded her of some of those things and helped her see how they
apply to her situation. For example, we both believe that family is an eternal
principle and that our families will be together forever. We both believe that
this life is but a small moment in time compared to eternity; and even though
we want to spend all our time here with our loved ones, our journeys are all,
inevitably, unique in length of time. If you put these beliefs together, it’s
like our kids are away at camp. We miss them, but we will see them soon. The
doing is still hard. Sometimes I feel like a child waiting for Christmas, who
hasn’t quite conquered the concept of time. How much longer? How many times do
I have to go to sleep and wake up before we can open presents? Back then it
seemed like years passed from when the first present went under the tree to
when we could open them on Christmas morning. As an adult, the time that passes
between Black Friday and Christmas Eve seems a step faster than Usaine Bolt’s 100-meter
dash. There is so much to do and so little time. I think this is how God must
feel. He wants us to be able to open our presents right away and be reunited
with our loved ones, but there is so much He wants to do for us while we’re
here. There is so much for us to learn and so much He wants us to become before
we go. In the wake of so much pain, these are the thoughts that bring me peace.
Two days after talking on the phone, I drove up to Atlanta
to visit Tara. Another opportunity came to think about things we have learned.
Griffin’s body had not been found, and it was causing so much pain, anguish and
unrest. While not trying to take anything away from wanting to recover the
body, keeping up the hope that they would find him, and continuing to pray for
Griffin to be found, we reflected on the fact that we believe everyone will be
resurrected regardless of where their bodies lie. I hope that Tara felt a
little peace from this knowledge during the agonizing two-week search for
Griffin’s body; thankfully, he was found and laid to rest next to his brother.
No matter how busy you make yourself, there still remains
much time for reflection. A friend asked me recently how often I think of Madi.
I wasn’t sure and said it was probably once or twice a day. Since then I tried
to keep track to find out what the answer to that question really was. As it
turns out, it’s more like once or twice an hour. I found that I could drive
myself crazy if I gave into the pain each time she crossed my mind. I keep the
pain at bay by focusing on things I know: God lives, He loves me, and He has a
plan for me.
In the months since Jake and Griffin passed away, Tara and
her family have been amazing, just like I knew they would be. We are all so
much stronger than we know. She has so many wonderful ideas of how to honor
their memories, some of which I have stolen. She has been an inspiration to so
many people in her family, community, and church. She has amazed and inspired
her friends and total strangers. One day someone will come to her and say,
“Tell me what to do.” And she will help them. (That person just might be me.)
It makes me so sad to think of all the pain that we all have
to go through, but I know that all these will give us experience and growth and
help us be more like our Father in Heaven. I am happy that my friends think I
may have something to offer them. I lean on my friends so much, especially
those who have lost children, so returning the favor is something I hope to do.
One of my hopes for this blog is to share things they may help others deal with
whatever their challenges may be. Everyone is different, especially when it
comes to how we grieve. So the last piece of advice I gave Tara was to heed any
advice that brings you peace and disregard the rest. Hopefully I gave her at
least one thing to hold on to. My hope
for all of us is that we learn and grow and share and repeat. Madi’s short life
here taught me so much. Hopefully that short, sweet life can be Madi’s blessing
to many.
 |
| Team Prince |
